Yesterday I had one of the most embarrassing moments of my life…

Depression can have many different effects on people.  More common (yet less often discussed) is the effect it can have on weight.  One of my family members who also suffers from depression finds it impossible to eat without feeling ill when they are struggling through “blue days”, causing them to be severely underweight.  My depression has lead me down the opposite road…in the past four years I have gained about 80 pounds, going from a size 14/16 to a 20/22.  I can attribute the majority of that to depression: finding comfort in food, lacking the motivation to leave the house, sleeping more than normal, etc.

Yesterday my husband and I were flying back from a long weekend away.  On the first flight (we had a layover) we made our way to our seats and went to get settled in when I found I could barely buckle the seat belt.  I had to loosen it all the way and then strain to get it clasped, feeling shame through the whole flight at the strain of the belt around my waist.  I’ve known for a long time that my weight was getting to be an issue, affecting both my physical and emotional health.  I can’t even stand looking at my own reflection anymore.  I keep trying to motivate myself to get back to an exercise routine but there’s always a different excuse: I’m too tired, my foot hurts, by back hurts, etc.  I know if I could just get myself to do it, it would improve all of those things and more…it’s just a matter of finding the willpower to get started…